Prisoner of Self

Trapped in the jail house,
I look out of my cell window
And what I see, is where I should be
What I should be and why I should be it.
But I sit here from the origins till the present.
In regret, I look at the bars of procrastination
And the chains of laxity.
I wish to break free but the ignorance of
My possessive jailer holds me bound
In this large prison.
I am alone day and night
And to that least I am grateful.
For it is only a matter of time and I will
Have lost inmates for my companion.
I refuse to see the possibilities of potential.
The stench of inferiority, poison the very soul of me.
The slimes of blame stain my cell wall.
I refuse to see past me.
Now and then, time and again,
Surviving on past success.
I send notes on the sheets of creativity
To the outside world.
But these are only wits compared to the vast
Knowledge that lie behind these walls of denial.
Once and a while, I hear great men try to reach out to me
But my jailer fends them off in foolish defense of me.
I rattle my cage to seek attention, but my jailer
Blinds them from the sight of me.
The streams of frustration ripple my hate
But the sun dries it up before I wake.
My palms tell me it is too late but
My heart says I can heal if I’m brave.
Strings in my head tie me down.
Within me is so much melody to share.
I am them and they are me.
Like germs infected by one and the other.
But we operate not on the same realm,
For I operate on a higher thus I shine brighter.
Why do I still stay bound by these walls?
Is it I or my jailer that hold me bound?
What is this I do?
Looking always for the perfect town within
The restrains of my cell wall.
I am my jailer and he me.
Have always been and will forever be.
Ignorance has become my perfect curse.
I hate that more than anything I like to please myself
Irrespective of how it affects anyone else.
I hate that my proclivities are in control of me.
Vengeance they say is not of us but I can’t help
But pull a comeback when I’m hurt.
I’m a prisoner of self.